How to remove Negative and Limiting Beliefs
In this episode, Kris presents his training on how to remove negative and limiting beliefs and live a life with less suffering and more happiness. Listen to the podcast for the full training.
Listen to this Podcast
Have you ever wondered why we have these nonserving sometimes self-sabotaging sometimes very ignorant immature childlike behaviors from time to time?
Maybe you don’t have any of those, but I’m certainly not perfect over on this side of the fence.
I sometimes fall into those types of bad behaviors and I always wonder why.
I also pondered on this while I was coaching one of my students some time ago. I was getting some preliminary background about her and finding out where she felt stuck in her life.
What she said to me that day I’ll never forget it. She said with utter conviction as she looked me right in the eye and said: “I suck”.
There was no doubt in my mind that she absolutely believed that she was not worthy. She was not deserving and that she was not good enough.
Maybe she felt she never was good enough.
There was no changing her mind, and as a coach, that wasn’t my intention. However, I wanted to know where this belief was coming from. I then went through an exercise with her. It’s one of my favorite activities from the All Inclusive Lifestyle Academy which is my coaching program.
Here are some of the questions from the Limiting Belief Exercise:
1. What is your most debilitating limiting belief?
2. Where do you think, this belief came from?
3. What is the “pay-off” when you take on this limiting belief? (Even our non-serving, negative, behavior, communication with others and our internal dialogue provides us with something of short-term benefit, so dig deep on this one and contemplate what benefit you receive from this belief)
This last question is the crux for most of us, but it’s a question that needs to be addressed.
The famous TV celebrity and psychologist, Dr. Phil, says ” if we have a negative pathological pattern we have to ask ourselves what is the pay-off, or what is the reward.”… “Our problems are quite complex but the solutions can be quite simple.”
As another famous psychologist, Robert Anton Wilson once said: “Don’t believe your own B.S. (short for Belief Systems)
Case and point: there is always a pay-off for all of our behavior even if that particular behavior that doesn’t serve us. And when we understand what our pay-off is, we can also see the cost or debt that it’s creating in our life (or in the lives of our loved ones).
Secondly, we need to investigate our belief systems and test them against reality, otherwise, they may evoke “F.E.A.R.” or “False, Evidence, Appearing, Real.”
Listen to the full training in the podcast and learn how to remove negative and limiting belief systems (or stop believing in your own B.S.)
I hope this training serves you and helps you inspire to aspire!
Inspire to aspire,
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Hey y’all. K.J. Simpson here welcome to the all inclusive lifestyle show whelming gratitude for you being here and sharing in this message of hope inspiration strength and hope. All of these messages give you the power the power to do the things that we know that we can do because if we don’t do those things we’re going to regret not doing those things. And that sucks. So again I hope these messages are giving you what we call inspiration to aspire to all those things that if you didn’t know you couldn’t do them they wouldn’t bother you and you wouldn’t regret that you’re not doing them. So on that note here’s a question for you. Have you ever wondered why we have these non serving sometimes self sabotaging sometimes very ignorant immature childlike behaviors from time to time. Maybe you don’t have any of those but I’m certainly not perfect over on this side of the radio waves. I definitely fall into those types of bad behavior essentially and I always wonder why. And I actually wondered why while I was coaching one of my students and I was just doing some preliminary background just to try to get a feel for where she was stuck in her life because she certainly appeared and vocalize that she definitely felt trapped or stuck in certain aspects of her life and wanted more freedom and wanted some other things too and wanted to become healthy wanted to lose some weight. But essentially you know wanted to feel happier to feel more freedom feel more clarity and control of her own life which at that point when I was speaking to her she was feeling a lack of control essentially and that’s scary no doubt about it.
So what she said to me and I’ll never forget it and she said so convincingly to me she looked me right in the eye was a face to face meeting that I had with her and she said I suck and I said pardon. He said I suck and the conviction that she had there was no doubt in my mind that she absolutely believed that she was not worthy. She was not deserving that she was not good enough. Maybe never was good enough. There was no changing her mind and that’s not what I was going to do. That’s not really my coaching strategy it’s not something that I even think that I can do. So I left that meeting and we were gonna do a follow up. So we did the follow up on the phone and right away I addressed why she had told me that she sucked and why she was completely convinced. And of course I didn’t have any intention of convincing her otherwise. But I really wanted to know where was that coming from. I went through this exercise with her. It’s one of my favorite exercise in the all inclusive Academy. The coaching and the group program in the seminars that I do I bring this exercise with me. A lot of times because it’s it’s really interesting too to find out where are certain beliefs come from and of course you know most of them all come from our youth when we’re most impressionable. Up until probably our adolescence I think that they’ve done studies and maybe it’s maybe 10 years old early adolescence is really when we are are so molded bowl essentially in our in our growth and development or brain development essentially and that we really take on these beliefs and there are a lot of them are serving they allow us to go out into the world into a world that we can understand that we can navigate through so they’re essential.
There is no doubt about it. Back to the question that I asked you at the beginning of this episode why do some of those belief systems seem so negative and so contradictory to who we really are as all human beings who need to evolve. Who need to change who need to grow who need to develop that that is a certainty that I have and I’m sure it can be proven by science as well and in fact it has Charles Darwin with his survival of the fittest and the all whole evolution theory whether you believe it or not you can definitely see it that that is for all living things that are even non living things we’re all here to change and develop and to grow and to pass on obviously. So I went through this exercise with her and the first question after I found out where this had come from of course it came from her childhood and and you know the dynamics within the household et cetera. But the question I was really dying task was what was the payoff for her to tell me that for her to believe in that night and I told her I said I’m not the first person you’ve told that to. Is that correct. And she said You’re right. I’ve told that to many people so in different ways that I’m not good enough that I’m not deserving that I can’t do this that that I’m just not going to be able to meet my own personal expectations which in her case she’s definitely a high performer she has high expectations for herself and and really thought that she could never meet those expectations and had had delivered that message to many people over the years so I wasn’t the first one.
But more importantly I was asking her what benefit did she get from telling me that she sucked. Now that is a strange question. It certainly was for her because there was radio silence on that telephone conversation. There was there was no immediate response because you know from one perspective what do you mean. What do you mean Chris. Like what payoff. There’s no payoff for me to be stuck here in misery and suffering that I truly do suck. How can that be of benefit. But what you’ll find in what I found and what I’ve learned through through many famous psychologist Dr. Phil one of them is the most recent one where he referred to this this payoff sort of philosophy of how people think and feel and more importantly the belief systems that drive our behavior. What is the benefit to even something that is negative self sabotaging critical self-critical behavior. And there always is there always is a payoff or a payback or some sort of benefit demented as it may be. There is always a reason why we’re behaving and acting in such a way may it be bad behavior or good behavior. Any behavior there’s there’s something that we are seeking without we’re giving or we’re receiving that’s just part of us being humans and I wanted to know from her. What do you get out of this. Of telling me that you suck and we vetted that out it took some time this was a whole our conversation but essentially some of the things that we brought up of why she would ever say such a thing about herself is first of all she gets to stay small in this sense when you’re telling yourself that you’re not good enough that you’re not deserving that you you basically are never gonna be able to understand something you’re never gonna be able to do something then that let you off the hook essentially which is a pretty interesting thing because if you really are finding it fearful or challenging that there’s gonna be hardships or there’s gonna be possibly failure to anything that you want to do some sort of aspiration.
Then one easy way to get out of that is it to let everyone know that you can’t do it anyways because you suck basically the deal is off the table that ideas is not even worth talking about anymore because you know you have basically voiced the fact that you’re not capable of doing it anyway so therefore you don’t have to do it anyways. But the problem is that if you know that possibly you could do it if you could get over the fear of getting started with it and the fear of actually completing it then you would actually have to do it and that’s pretty scary when you step aside when you stay in the stands and you don’t go play in the playground or or or play on the field with the rest of the players in this game of life. Life can be in one way easier in another way in the way that we have to live with ourselves. It’s not easy at all. It’s it’s actually tormenting you know the guilt and the shame of of not expressing ourselves as we truly know we could that we are capable of doing that. That is the regret. And that is is an emotion that is is very deep reaching within our soul within our psyche and can be very damaging to us. As you can imagine. And the second thing that we brought up in this conversation of why she would tell me that she sucked is this sympathy empathy some sort of a reaction on the other side of the person that is hearing such self-critical comments about oneself. There might be some sympathy there. There might be some sort of attention and we’re all looking for connection we’re all looking for attention that’s again in our human nature.
So we’ll take it any which way we can. And sometimes it’s easier to get it in that way. I remember as a child and hey I even had to spend some time with psychologists because they really couldn’t understand my psyche. The problems I was having in school behavioral wise and also with my learning but my behavior looking back now I was dying for attention. I was starving for it in school anyways I do think that I was getting it at home but at school I wasn’t getting it and I wasn’t getting because I wasn’t good enough according to the grades according to my level of comprehension in certain subjects like math et cetera. I just wasn’t at level and therefore I needed or felt I needed to do something else to get the attention that I so desperately needed because hey I’m a human being. And that’s what we all need. But I was taking the easy way out by bad behavior and allowing myself to get the attention. But obviously you could say it was a negative attention. Who would want that. But I’ll tell you it’s better than no attention at all. So those are the two things that we essentially uncovered with this conversation or this belief system or what I like to call B.S. exercise the B.S. I could have taken from another famous psychologist I can’t recall his name but he did a lot of studies on belief systems and he basically came to the conclusion in a very pointblank way that some of our belief systems are nothing but a bunch of B S I can agree especially with those ones that also have a lot of bad behavior around it. But to my point here today I think that we really need to look at our belief systems where they’re coming from what the payoff what is the benefit of even the bad behavior that we have and second to that we really need to look at what would the payoff be of better serving behavior for example instead of saying I suck say I can do it I’m capable I’m loved I’m respected what would happen if that was the dialogue the conclusion with her is that whenever she was going to come up with any self negative talk which was very frequently throughout the day everyday with her that she was going to pause she was going to break that pattern she’s gonna break that pattern by interfering it with the opposite a very very simple technique not my technique but it works very well.
And we also thought that there has to be a consequence to if there’s a payback for that kind of behavior. Now what’s the consequence and the consequence for her was quite simple her husband and her two children her two young children especially her young daughter who she was very very fearful that she would pass on all of her pain and suffering to her young adolescent daughter. And one of the fears I think a lot of parents have is that our kids are going to turn out like us in the sense of with our flaws that we all have being human beings. But we don’t want to pass those flaws onto our kids and that would be one of the consequences the other consequence would be her husband who who loves her who cares about her. Hoo hoo hoo I know this to be to be a fact from from observing this myself knowing her husband and we talked about what effect or what consequence is this having on him how much of that pain and suffering are you passing on to him. And that was the other sort of why what you know why am I thinking this way you know what can I replace that that negative talk with and what is the consequence that that I will incur on myself and to those that I love if I continue up with this bad behavior from just a bad belief system a bunch of B.S. in her case that she wasn’t good enough she wasn’t worthy she wasn’t deserving of respect she wasn’t deserving of love which was complete B.S. So that story I think really illustrates how we all need to take a look at our B.S. and the next time that any type of non serving maybe even self sabotaging type behavior comes across us which it will if not today tomorrow you know to any different degree we need to question that we need to really ask you know what is that and where did it come from.
And what’s the payback. Why are we acting like this. What are we getting out of it. And of course you know what is the consequence. What what is the debt that we’re creating in ourselves. But if we don’t have it in us to look at ourselves and to recognize that debt then how about this. How is that debt affecting those around us our loved ones. These are the questions we need to ask. I hope you ask yourself these questions and next time you hear any B.S. either coming out of your mouth or coming out of your head I want you to stop it and asking those questions until the next time my friend. Y’all inspire to aspire because y’all can. Hello friend. Did you like this episode. If you did please subscribe and tell a friend about us. And if you want a free copy of Chris’s new book The all inclusive diet along with free trading and downloads unhealthy lifestyle and fitness go to w w w dot Chris J Simpson dot com. That’s Chris with a K K R S. J Simpson dot com and enter your name and email address. To subscribe today to tell the next time my friend inspired to aspire.