Comparing Yourself on Social Media—Why 151 Friends is Too Many
- Kris J. Simpson
- Mar 1
- 2 min read
Updated: Mar 31
The emerging cultural message urges us to refrain from comparing ourselves to others or engaging in competition, but is this shift truly feasible, or could it even be advantageous?
Consider how often you compare your life to others — consciously or subconsciously — throughout your daily routine.
If you’ve accessed your preferred social media platform today, you’ve already initiated this comparative process, often without even realizing it. The constant stream of carefully curated images and updates can easily trigger a sense of inadequacy.
This inclination to compare ourselves stems from tens of thousands of years of evolutionary sociobiology, which has ingrained in us the need to assess our status within our social hierarchy. This drive to compare and compete has historically fueled our evolution and collective improvement, allowing each generation to build upon the knowledge and experiences of the previous one.
While comparison is a natural and intrinsic part of human behaviour, acting as a catalyst for personal growth and societal improvement, issues arise when our social landscape expands to a point where we feel compelled to compete against an overwhelming number of people. This vast digital audience can exceed our cognitive and emotional capacities, especially when our evolutionary journey has not equipped us to handle such an extensive social framework.
To navigate through these complexities and avoid feeling lost within the crowd, here are some reflective questions you might consider:
1. **How many people are in your social circle?**
Anthropologist Robin Dunbar’s research indicates a strong correlation between primate brain size and the size of social groups. He posits that humans are psychologically equipped to maintain around 150 stable relationships. He humorously describes this as the number of people you’d feel comfortable approaching for a drink if you encountered them unexpectedly at a bar. Understanding this limit can help gauge whether your social circle is unmanageably large.
2. **How much time do you dedicate to creating versus comparing?**
For instance, if you aspire to be a writer, evaluate the time you spend reading or researching — activities that can enrich your writing — against the time you invest in comparing your work to others. Personally, I find that maintaining a higher ratio of creativity to comparison allows me to stay focused and productive. It’s crucial for you to ascertain what balance works best for your own growth.
3. **Who’s in your circle?**
The ideal environment for personal growth often consists of a mix of individuals — some who have less experience and others who possess more expertise than you. We evolved as a species in small tribes where mentorship and being mentored provided mutual benefits. This dynamic fosters a nurturing atmosphere conducive to development, enabling you to learn from those ahead of you while guiding those who are just starting out.
As we navigate this digital age — with social media often amplifying feelings of inadequacy — it’s essential to find equilibrium. We need to be mindful of our innate tendency to compare and compete, assessing our social group’s size, clarity about who is within it, and the amount of time we allocate to obsessively focusing on others versus cultivating our own pursuits. Balancing these elements will help mitigate the overwhelm and foster genuine growth amidst the noise.
Keep your tribe small and tight.
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